Saturday’s Song: Be OK

Today’s song is a request from one of my earliest readers.  I remember being in a hotel room in Connecticut when I received a comment from the author of It Never Rains In Seattle.  Since then, I’ve followed his story through marriage and divorce.  A few days ago, he contacted me and suggested Ingrid Michaelson’s, Be OK for Saturday’s song.  I’m happy to oblige.

Enjoy, everyone.  And have a great weekend 🙂

Video:

“Be OK” (written by Ingrid Michaelson)

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok todayI just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today[CHORUS:]
Open me up and you will see
I’m a gallery of broken hearts
I’m beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken partsI just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok[CHORUS]Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok

If you have a request for Saturday’s Song, let me know @relativevolutns, divorce.encouragist@gmail.com or tell me on Facebook.

Saturday’s Song… Movin’ On

I was reminded of this song a few weeks ago while having dinner with an old friend.  She’s at a crossroads in her life, considering a major move, and she quoted some of the lyrics to explain her feelings about the situation.

I always thought of I’m Movin’ On by Rascal Flatts as a sad song.  The pace of it is slow and it’s full of reflection on a regretful past.  Yet, it’s also about looking forward.  Hope isn’t lost when you’re able to move on…

Video:

“I’m Moving On” (written by Phillip White and
D. Vincent Williams)

I’ve dealt with my ghosts and I’ve faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I’m at peace with myself
I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I’m movin’ on

I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they’re always the same
They mean me no harm but it’s time that I face it
They’ll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarantees, but I’m not alone
There comes a time in everyone’s life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn’t
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I’ve loved like I should but lived like I shouldn’t
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on
I’m movin’ on

Family Ties To My Other Mother

My dad’s girlfriend is wonderful.  She’s been part of my life for more than five years and I can’t say enough about how much I appreciate her and how grateful I am that my father found someone so caring.

When my current personal crisis unfolded, I took Bully Girl and went to stay with my dad and Mary (not her real name, of course).  When I walked in the door, Mary was making dinner in the kitchen.  She asked how I was, and I burst into tears.  In that motherly way, she wrapped her arms around me, stroked my hair and held me while I sobbed on her shoulder (I should note here that hugging makes me a little uncomfortable.  Clearly, I was a mess!) .  Since then we’ve spent countless hours talking, listening, crying (that would be me doing the crying) and sharing stories of breakups past.  When I left their house and returned to my old abode (I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t sell it), she sent a Hallmark card and two containers of soup.

Last week, Mary’s father passed away and earlier this week I attended his memorial service.   As I pulled into the parking lot on Tuesday morning, an employee of the funeral home stopped me.

“Are you family?” he asked.

His question threw me for a loop and I hesitated.  “Um, kinda?” I replied.  “What counts as family?”

The attendant narrowed his eyes at me, shook his head a little and tried another approach.  “Are you going to the cemetery?”

That made it much easier!  I told him that I was not and he directed me to park at the far end of the lot.

I saw Mary right away when I entered the funeral home.  I gave her a hug and asked how she was doing.  She told me she was OK and immediately asked about my current state of mind.  I looked at her with a bit of confusion… she was the one who lost her father, and yet she was concerned about me?  She concluded that we were both going through similar emotions.  As we approached the casket together, tears filled her eyes and we embraced again.

“Thank you for coming,” she said.  “It means so much to me.”

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me,” I told her.

“Well,” she sniffled.  “You’re my daughter.”

“And you’re one of my moms,” I finished.

(I’m lucky to have so many moms.  At present count, I have four including the one who grew me in her womb.)

When the service concluded, I stood with my dad and Mary as I explained that I couldn’t go to the cemetery because I needed to get back to work.  At the same time, some people around us began talking about my dad.

“That’s her fiancé,” one woman told another.

“I thought he was her husband,” someone else said.

Mary turned around to address the confusion.  She and my dad aren’t officially married, but they don’t shy away from the terminology.

“This is my husband,” she said with a gesture towards my dad.  As she put her hand on my shoulder, she further explained, “And this is our daughter, Tara.”

My heart swelled.  Those of us with divorced parents are seldom addressed with the phrase “our child”.  It’s always “my…” or “his…” or “her…”  It was a first for me and it felt good.  Like… totally, genuinely real.

Leaving the funeral, I had a lot to smile about.  How much weight do biology and marriage really carry?  Once again, life has proven:  love makes a family.

(That was a nice line to end the post with, wasn’t it?  Of course, as most of us know, love isn’t enough.  You also need respect, time, emotional investments, dedication, compromise…and all that other stuff.  But, hopefully you know what I’m trying to say here. ;))

Thanksgiving, 2011

Today, I am so grateful for those of you who’ve reached out to me with your support and encouragement since Boyfriend and I broke up.  Thank you for the comments, phone calls, PMs, DMs, text messages and emails.  To those of you whom I’ve never met in person, who offered your phone numbers and space in your homes (in various parts of the country… I could totally go on a Depression Road Trip), I am overwhelmed by your kindness and cannot express my appreciation in mere words.

My broken heart has swelled with gratitude.  My “circle” is bigger than I ever imagined.  Thank you, friends and family.

Movie: An Unmarried Woman

Last weekend it snowed in my area.  Boyfriend and I had plans to go away for the weekend, but given the weather forecast we decided to stay home instead.  The unexpected down time afforded us several hours to lounge in front of the TV with lots of cookies and ice cream.

While scanning the menu for something to watch, we stumbled upon the movie An Unmarried Woman.  Naturally, I found the title to be intriguing, so Boyfriend pushed the play button.

The flick follows Erica Benton, a New Yorker, through the end of what she thought was a happy marriage.  Despite the age of the film (1978), the content remains relevant as Erica struggles with her identity, leans on her girlfriends, reaches out to a therapist, experiments with men and grapples with her role as a mother.  Some of my favorite quotes were:

  • “Depression has a way of making itself nice and comfortable.”
  • “[Daddy] left me, not you.”
  • “Do you think you’ll feel like this forever?”
That language might not be exact.  I typed from memory instead of rewinding and taking notes.  In any case, I thought it was a great divorce movie.  And I was lucky enough to find the trailer on YouTube so you can click below and see a few snippets for yourself.  Enjoy!

Free T Thanks!

I need to interrupt my regularly scheduled content for a special message…

“Thank you, Chopper Papa!”

Kyle over at ChopperPapa.com is selling some supercool “Chopper Couture” to benefit his local Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization.  I was lucky enough to win one of his Tshirts during a special promotion on the site and I wish I’d purchased one earlier (cuz my area of the country is now officially in Sweater Weather Season).  I love it!

Chopper Couture

Chopper Papa is one of my favorite sites- and I’m not just saying that because of the shirt, I promise!  I always enjoy hearing a male perspective and the site is a one-stop shop for topics ranging from relationships to daddyhood to sentimental music to, of course, choppers.  Kyle’s posts initiate as much laughter as they do thoughtful reflection.  His writing is engaging, his voice is genuine and his cycle is sick.

Check out the site and/or score some of your own Chopper Couture here.  You won’t regret it 🙂

New Name, New Look!

It’s been nearly a year since I started this blog and I thought it was time for a change…

New Name:  Because the topics I write about extend beyond divorce itself.

New Look:  Because I’m striving for a softer edge.  I’m not quite sure that I love it.  It’s a little too… brown.  And maybe too… fancy?

Feedback, as always, is welcome 🙂