I never understood why people fought over the marital home. When I got divorced, I didn’t want the house. I didn’t want much of anything, except what I paid for myself.
This time around, I wanted even less. I was entitled to the bed, but I left it behind because, to me, it was sacred and to sleep in it alone was too painful a thought. I also left my table and chairs, as well as my living room furniture. I just didn’t want to deal with it: physically or emotionally. And, I still don’t.
For the first week, my footsteps echoed inside my house, but then I bought myself a twin-sized bed (I am so not looking to fill the void) and two chairs for the living room. The chairs were used and I got both of them for $20- a bargain seating arrangement for me and Bullygirl (although, she’s rather heartbroken too and these days she prefers to sit with me). At this point, it’s all we need.
More and more, I’m discovering that I want less and less. It’s quite different than when I got divorced and I was ready to start over and buy new furniture and knick knacks. I don’t want to acquire anything… rather, I want to shed things. I’d even like to sell my house. The less stuff I have, the easier it is to move… The more clear my head, the easier it is to think… Oh, and the less money I spend, the more money I save.
At this point, I have no idea what is coming next. I figure my need to purge is the process through which I am making room for whatever this new chapter holds. I guess that means someday my life and my home will fill up again… and that sounds like a nice idea.
On December 5 of last year, Laura Campbell, founder of the D-Spot, held a teleclass about letting go and moving on. It was an hour well-spent and I’m glad that I took the time not only to listen to the call but also to do the exercises she suggested. I now have a list of the things I want to let go of as well as lists of intentions for myself moving forward. I was surprised, as I sat with my pen and paper, how easily my intentions flowed forth… I had no idea they were there until the pen was positioned to give them life. I’ve been reading my lists each day in an effort to stay focused and I strongly recommend this call (link to recording) to anyone who needs to make room for something new (hint: that’s all of us).
Today, my favorite word is “unencumbered”…