“If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.” ~Lawrence J. Peter
I always thought the word “goals” sounded rather nerdy (never mind the fact that I’ve always been a bit of a nerd). Of course, I understand the value of having a plan… it was just the G-word that was a turnoff. So, historically speaking, I haven’t been one to write down my G-words and make a plan to reach them. But then I discovered Zig Ziglar. I’ve been listening to him in my car for years. He’s one of my favorite travel companions. And Zig has really helped me get over my issues with the G-words.
For the first week or two after my marriage officially unraveled, I spent a lot of car time listening to Julie Roberts’ song Break Down Here (link to video). But then I realized that I wasn’t super sad. I wasn’t even all that scared about the turn my life was taking. That’s when I ordered Zig’s CD, How To Get What You Want. And I made a list of what I wanted (in no specific order):
- Divorce finalized as quickly as possible.
- No nasty divorce games.
- Maintain relationships with Ex and his family.
- Financial independence.
- Buy a house closer to work.
…And I’m proud to say that I accomplished those goals. Our divorce was finalized in the least amount of time required by state law. We dealt with the necessary issues professionally (mostly, anyway… minimal snipping, snarking and sarcasm) and because of that no bridges were burned. I didn’t want any spousal support, thus I balanced my budget according to my own income. And five days after the divorce was final, I settled on a house which allowed me to cut my commute in half. Yay, me!
But what if I hadn’t set those goals? What if I’d kept listening to Julie Roberts and other sad stars of country music? What if I allowed my pain, anger and resentment to drive my actions instead of calculating my actions according to my goals? I can only hypothesize…and the picture isn’t pretty.
What about you? Did you have a goal-oriented divorce? Or not? Are you happy with the result?