In light of the insight provided by the comment section for Tuesday’s post, I’d like to change my vote.
Initially, I said that I think the preferences of the child(ren) should be heavily weighted. When I wrote that, I assumed the children would be asked for their input about who should share in their celebrations. After reading the comments, I now believe that I was wrong. Children want to make their parents happy- especially if they know that aspects of their parents’ relationship causes one parent or the other to be unhappy. Therefore, when asked, children will most likely parrot the preference of the inquiring parent. Thus, I no longer think the kids should make the decision.
I do believe that celebrations are a time to put aside differences and come together to share an event. If Mom and Dad can agree to a treaty for the sake of the function, then the adults should plan ahead and welcome Mom/Dad’s new partner with silence if not smiles. I also realize that in some families this is not possible, in which case separate celebrations may be the best option. The correct answer lies in asking the correct question: “How can celebrations be handled to provide the maximum experience (and lack of drama) for the kids?”
Thank you, everyone, for reading, considering and sharing your thoughts on the She Said/She Said Project. I’ve learned a lot and am looking forward to posting my full reflection on the project next week.