I’m feeling extremely irritated by some comments I’ve heard recently. I think I’m annoyed enough to write a series this week about the statements and my feelings about them. To begin…
“Dad wants increased custody. But it’s only because he wants to pay less child support. So now Mom can’t get a job.”
This irks me on several levels. For starters, why is it assumed that money is the motivation behind Dad’s desire to see more of his child/children? Is it really all that hard to believe that a man might genuinely love his children (whom he saw every day prior to separation) and want to remain a prominent figure in their lives? I don’t think so. Yet, so often I hear this claim and the audience nods in agreement- thus reinforcing the bogus accusation.
Secondly, the job thing. Mom isn’t going to get a job because Dad wants more visitation and as a result he’ll pay less child support… therefore Mom is going to purposely minimize her income in order to force Dad to pay more child support anyway? Ummm… who is it that cares about money now? IMHO this is a stupid game. But, I’m told this is the strategy recommended by several lawyers. I don’t get it. How are people supposed to move on with their lives if every decision has to be an attorney-approved strategic motion on the chessboard of divorce? Ugh! If Mom wants to work, she should work! If Dad shares a larger percentage of custody, she’ll have more time to spend on the job.
Third, the job thing again: There are a lot of people now who, through no fault of their own, have lost their jobs. Given the current economic conditions, it just seems… (irresponsible?… disrespectful?… immature?…) wrong for someone to intentionally withhold his/her talents from the job market in order to spite an ex.
And one last thing: What kind of example does this behavior set for the kids?
(Ahhhh…. that was cathartic ;))