During a gossip session with a friend over the weekend, we discussed a man we know who recently married for the second time. And he married a divorcee with children.
“I wonder if he realizes what he’s gotten himself into,” my friend was saying.
“Actually,” I said realizing for the first time, “his first marriage was to a divorcee with children.”
And since then, I’ve been thinking about it: What’s it like to be the second spouse without ever having been a first spouse? Does it feel like you’re missing out on something? Does it add additional friction between the spouse and stepchildren? Do you feel more entitled to make decisions about the wedding because you’ve never had one before? …Or, is it easier because you’re marrying someone who already knows the ropes? Is there less friction with the stepkids because you aren’t bringing family expectations leftover from your first marriage?
Of course, anyone in this situation couldn’t really answer the questions on a comparative level because they’ve nothing to compare it to. Still… I wonder about the unique outlook of the Second-Spouse-Who-Wasn’t-A-First-Spouse. Can any such readers comment on your thoughts, feelings, struggles, expectations, etc?