Snippets From My Journal

These snippets span the timeframe from shortly after my wedding to shortly before our separation…  Are these feelings familiar to anyone else?

October 3, 2004

…There is no room in this plan for me to have my own thoughts or other things to do.  I don’t know why he picked me in the first place.  I will never ever EVER be the “wife” he wants.  I have NO DESIRE to be what he wants.  I want to be myself.

March 16, 2005

Before life with Greg, I had other friends, my own car, my own dwelling and my own life.  I have none of those things now.  I was happier when I did.  Isn’t that crazy?   Get married and commit to a life that isn’t yours… I feel like writing an informational pamphlet to be distributed to high school girls:  Things They Don’t Tell You About Marriage.  #1 Getting Married Means You Die.

February 7, 2006

…I just want to cry continuously.  I don’t tell him I love him on the phone anymore.  I don’t think he’s even noticed.  He has this fake idea of who I am- a completely different person- and that’s who he talks to.  That’s who he thinks he’s married to.  This person loves sex, wants to have his children and does whatever he wants.  I hate this person.

April 15, 2006

…The funny thing is, I don’t hate him all the time.  I like him as a person.  I like him as a friend.  And I think he honestly thinks he is a good husband.


2 comments on “Snippets From My Journal

  1. Deesha says:

    “…I just want to cry continuously.”

    This! I remembered seriously thinking at one point that I would the first person in history to ever run out of tears. Narcissist much? Yes, but I was dying inside.

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