A bunch of years ago, I was snooping around on the web to learn about my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend. I found some pictures of her and she looked kinda like me. I also discovered that she was an animal lover and she liked homemade soap. Just like me! I thought it was funny… as if he was trying to replace me with a duplicate. But that wasn’t correct.
Fast forward several moons later and I was again poking around the internet (ok, i’m not proud of this, but I know i’m not the only one). This time I was curious to dig up information about my current partner’s ex (because i’d heard so many awful things about her). Once again, I discovered someone with my hair length and eye color. She and I also shared many favorite books and movies. WTF? That rotten [fill-in-the-blank] can’t possibly have enough sense to understand the [complexity/beauty/horror/etc] of [fill-in-the-blank-book-or-movie]!! She was, like, a total [insulting noun]. I mean, she [list of horrible things she did]! How could I possibly have anything in common with HER?!?!
How could this be? And then I realized… There was a reason [Said Man] had chosen each of us. The books, the movies, the animals, the soaps, the preferred style of vehicle… those are indicative of the personality traits we share. And of course we have a lot of personality traits in common… we managed to attract the same guy, right?
I must say, every guy I’ve ever dated has had superb taste in women (why else would have dated me?). So… then, it’s not so crazy. (A little hard to swallow, perhaps- but it makes sense.) My successor wasn’t a duplicate and my predecessor wasn’t [whatever-evil-thing-i-thought-her-to-be]. And I’m not [whatever-his-ex-thinks] nor am I [whatever-his-new-partner-thinks]. It’s human nature take comfort in these blanket judgments: good, bad, just-like-me or nothing-like-me. But it’s wrong. In fact, we are different sides of the same coin. She is me. I am her.
good… bad… similar… opposite… we all just are. It’s that simple. (it’s also that complicated.)
“And slowly, as the people met people different from themselves, they began to see…. themselves.” -Douglas Wood, Old Turtle and the Broken Truth