Hold The Hype: Valentine’s Rant…

All this talk about Valentine’s Day… you’d think it’s something important.  Let me tell you a story about the last Valentine’s Day I spent with my husband…

It was 2006, the weekend after Valentine’s Day.  Ex-Husband worked a lot, so he saved his Big Surprise for the weekend.  I met him at the office on Saturday afternoon where I discovered a limo awaiting me- us.  Inside there were flowers on the leather couch.  The driver took us a few towns away and dropped us off at a hotel where I was led up several floors to our one bedroom jacuzzi suite.  We ordered room service and then went out for dinner at a fancy-enough-restaurant.  I wore my shiny black pants and… I think it was the pink-shirt-that-would-show-a-lot-of-cleavage-if-I-had-a-lot-of-cleavage-to-show. (I remember dumb things like that.  I suppose it’s not really important) It was all very nice… really, very nice.  It was a nice thought, it was a nice room, it was a nice restaurant.  And you know what?  The whole damn time I could not stop thinking about the fact that all of this niceness obligated me to do that thing that couples are supposed to do on a regular basis… that act that made me sick to think about anymore.  I was dreading it the entire time… hoping he’d have too much to drink at dinner… hoping he’d be too tired once we got back to the room…. no such luck.

I felt awful.  It wasn’t supposed to be like that…. Why wasn’t I happier?  Why wasn’t I into it?  Why wasn’t I more appreciative of his efforts?  Why couldn’t I just give in- compromise- give him what he needed?  What was wrong with me?

Perhaps my entire being was rebelling against this predicament I’d put myself in.  Because I knew better…. I wasn’t supposed to be there.  And there was no amount of flowers and champagne that could fix the problem.

4 years later, I find myself pondering different inquiries:

  • Why celebrate Valentine’s Day anyway?
  • How many other people feel/felt like I did?
  • Why all the guilt-inducing, loneliness-composing hype?
  • Why can’t it be more about being grateful for all relationships?
  • WTF?

Boyfriend and I don’t really do Valentine’s Day either.  In fact, after we return Drake and Josh to BirthMom on Sunday, we’re planning to attend a roller derby- how awesomely non-romantic is that?  (sooo much better than stuffed bears and chocolate hearts if you ask me! …welllll…. chocolate……)

February 14th is just another day.  It will come and go like the others.  For anyone feeling jealous of the romancing married couples, please refer to my story above- and be thankful you’re not in that situation (which looked really good to everyone else).  And if you still wish you had someone to love/someone to love you…. consider this:

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” -Buddha


8 comments on “Hold The Hype: Valentine’s Rant…

  1. Mandy says:

    Been there, done that. It took me a long time to admit to myself that the reason I didn’t want to have sex with my husband was because our marriage was over.

    I’m celebrating Valentine’s Day with my kids – I want them to know that they are loved and planning a couple of surprises for them, makes me feel good.

  2. Lauren Forry says:

    We don’t celebrate and never have since the first year we were together. I think it’s a waste of money and sentiment that could be better spent elsewhere. Why can’t we profess our love to each other on any other day? Why is that not good enough? We get dirty looks from people when they ask what we’re doing for the “holiday”. When I say nothing, they admonish me for not wanting to “show my love”. I do that everyday, why do I need my husband to spend $80 on a dozen flowers when any other day they’d cost half that?

  3. I agree with the sentiment that we should be showing our love (if there is any) every day. And if it isn’t there… then, well, every day should hurt just as much as Valentine’s Day, no? (heh, heh. That’s… not really funny.)

    Valentine’s Day. Just another day of me wanting to move beyond my marriage, already.

  4. Hey – great blog! You make some excellent points, indeed.

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