I knew I shouldn’t have gotten married. I told everyone that I didn’t want my father to walk me down the aisle because I didn’t want him to feel, after the divorce that he “gave his daughter to that asshole”. I insisted on a small wedding because I wanted to save money for the divorce. I kept my receipts for everything related to the dogs so that I could prove myself to be the appropriate caregiver in the event we split households. LOL…why did I bother buying the dress and curling my hair?
I’m generally pretty good with dates, yet I don’t remember the date of my engagement. I recall sitting on the couch with my eyes closed, Elvis music playing in the background… I opened my eyes to see my boyfriend on both knees, holding a small box containing a round cut, .73 carat diamond in a custom platinum setting. We’d been living together for 2 years. Our financial situation was good and forecasted to get much better. We had a dog. He took care of my car. I liked his parents. We were friends. We had friends. Isn’t this just what people do? I couldn’t think of a reason to say no.
And now I notice it all the time… people getting married because they think that’s what they’re supposed to do. I’ve seen engaged couples smile at each other through clenched jaws while they stay together for the sake of the wedding. Isn’t that ridiculous? Staying together so you can get through one day which will inevitably leave you exhausted and broke?! And then what? Oh—the honeymoon! And the gifts! Surely, things will get better after the wedding because the planning will be over and there will be gifts and a romantic vacation to enjoy! Surely, this sense of dread and unhappiness is the result of stress from all that food tasting and dress shopping…
I think that sense of dread should be given more attention. I think more people know better, but they’re afraid to speak up. Marriage is not a requirement of adulthood. It’s not an obligation of parenthood. And it is not essential to financial stability.
My divorce was final on November 9 and since then I’ve been able to purchase my own home, go back to school and indulge myself appropriately in other interests. I feel like me again. I don’t know who I would be right now if ….
When a marriage is wrong from the beginning, it will probably never be right. In the USA, we believe in life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Married people should be allowed to pursue happiness through the liberty of divorce. And they should be able to do so without such extreme disapproval from the society we live in. In fact, they should be congratulated and supported… and dammit, give them presents! Because now they actually need a coffee maker and a toaster- the ex kept the one you gave them as a wedding gift.